The Sacrifice
by Selphie Leonhart
Summary: A disturbing interpretation of what was really going through Aeris' mind when she died...


The Sacrifice   
  


Comments to : Selphie_Leonhart@day-dream.co.uk   
  


Aeris' eyes opened wide as she felt the cold metal enter her. Her hands clasped the pale green globe tighter, and she felt a shudder pass through her body. Suddenly, her mouth had gone dry, and her vision went black as a sharp pain tore through her stomach.   
  


*This is it.*   
  


Strange, that through the haze of pain, she could feel the tiny details. The wetness on her stomach as her own blood soaked though, contrasting in temperature with the cold blade of the masamune.   
  


*I've made a mistake.*   
  


Her eyes seemed locked open, and after the initial shock of agony, the pain seemed removed. Then her vision returned, and her eyes fixed on that face. He stood in front of her, both hands clutching the handle of the long sword that he wielded with such fatal prescision.   
  


*Why didn't I think of this before.*   
  


Her hands trembled as she held the globe of light, of hope. She could feel it's pulsating light cool on her fingers. It's surface was smooth, as if it was oiled, but the globe itself was perfectly dry and clean. This was what she was going to die for. An act which had sounded to her idealistic mind noble yesterday, suddenly presented her with the grim reality of what she had chosen to perform.   
  


*I didn't have to do this.*   
  


Images flashed into her mind. Cloud, Tifa, Yuffie, Vincent...all her friends. Aeris felt like crying. A strange feeling of immense loss built inside her, as she realised what her fate was to be.   
  


*No! I don't want this!*   
  


Meeting Cloud in Sector Seven. She had flirted with him, offering him the bait which he never took. She had been content with that, understanding. But she had kept trying. Trying to tempt him with her childish attitude, her easy charm. But all the while she had ensured he realised there was not only that to her, ensured he saw the underlying motives, and that he understood she was not as she seemed.   
  


*He didn't want me. And now it's too late.*   
  


Selling kisses outside the Honeybee Inn. The man there had known her....they all had. Choosing the revealing red dress in another attempt to persuade him. He hadn't fallen, and she had almost given up then. She had been surprised, after all, when she offered guidance through the slums, not many who accepted were really after a tour guide. And she expected it. She counted on it.   
  


*Maybe he was disgusted with me...*   
  


Zack. Her boyfriend. He had been someone to take her up on her adult offer, spoken with childlike innocence. When she had offered to guide him to Sector Six, he had accepted. She had shown him to Wall Market, where he had been headed. Aeris had once mentioned to Cloud that Zack had loved a lot of women.She hadn't mentioned how she had met him, or that she was most likely one of hundreds. As usual at that time of night, the inn was doing a brisk trade. And brisk was the operative word, selling rooms by the hour.   
  


*But...I fell in love with him.*   
  


She had seen him again a few weeks later. Her offer of guidance then had not been refused. After, they had talked, and she told him things about herself which he found interesting. They had stayed together for a weeks, before he had gone to Nibelheim on a mission.   
  


*That was the last time I saw him.*   
  


His departure had left her feeling empty. She spent more time in her church, more time tending her flowers, more time guiding the lost. Selling flowers, that was what her mother thought she did. Poor, naive Elmyra. Aeris sometimes felt scornful of her, who didn't say a word when Aeris came home with hundreds of gil, and torn clothing. When Aeris came home with a still full basket and hundreds of gil, Elmyra did not wonder where the money came from. She turned a blind eye.   
  


*I took advantage of her.*   
  


When she had seen Cloud, lying in her flower bed, unconscious, she had seen in him Zack. He looked so similar. She remembered, kneeling beside him, casting on him a healing spell from his own materia. He had awoken, and in his deep blue eyes she had seen something she wanted. He seemed innocent, and at the same time worldly. It was a combination she longed to have. Aeris had stopped being innocent a long time ago.   
  


*Now I don't have the chance...*   
  


Aeris' eyes shut as her strength began to ebb away. Everything was so still, she could hear the beating of her own heart as it began to slow down. Her hands dropped to her side and the small crystal orb fell from her grasp, bouncing once on the stairs before plunging into the cool green depths, it's holy light shimmering long after the materia itself disappeared from her sight. Time seemed to stretch out forever, and it gave her the opportunity to reflect on her actions.   
  


*Before now, I didn't believe this would really happen.*   
  


She had thought something would save her. Thought that, once Holy had appeared, everything would be fine. To her twenty-two year old mind, she was being a savior, a saint. Sacrificing herself for the planet.   
  


*But that isn't what I want.*   
  


She wanted to live. She had believed that someone would save her. Even now, she realised the only reason she had kept her eyes open was so she could watch as Cloud stepped up to the altar, and prevented Sephiroth striking the fatal blow. He hadn't. She felt bitter as she remembered the image of him kneeling, behind the man who had made him his slave, unmoving as she was run through.   
  


*He...just didn't care enough.*   
  


This was a punishment, Aeris thought. A punishment for defiling the last of the Ancient flesh, a punishment for her own callous actions. Her lack of emotion at Tseng's death, seeing her childhood friend murdered had not seemed to register with her, and she didn't react to it, instead her mind was filled with thoughts of her exciting new mission...to single handedly save the world.   
  


*But it didn't work out like that. Holy is here...but I'll never see it work.*   
  


Some people, the ones who like Elmyra chose to turn a blind eye to Aeris' dark side, perceived her as a saint. But...she was far from it. She was human, like the others. This final act...she had believed it would make her better, that it was something she could do to stand out. But she didn't want to accept death as the price for her nobility. Aeris didn't have the strength, or the will, to truly sacrifice herself.   
  


*I want...to live.*   
  


Aeris fought. She could still imagine Sephiroths eyes, the same shade of sea green as her own, except his glowed with Mako energy. She understood him in a way the others could not. He was confused, and she had wanted to offer him her help. Her mind struggled, trying to throw off the blanket of sleep which was slowly folding over her. She desperately wished she had reconsidered this, thought through what she was really giving up.   
  


*I don't have a choice now. I can't live.*   
  


She knew then, sadly, that it was too late to change her mind. Her act of sacrifice would go down as a beautiful one, a noble act, but it was not what she wanted. She wanted to live, to breath, to have Cloud. But she couldn't anymore. Not now.   
  


*I don't want this!*   
  


Her mind screamed. She wanted to shout to Cloud, to get him to stop her bleeding, to heal her somehow. She wanted to cry, to get up, to shout that she had changed her mind, she didn't care about Holy anymore, she just wanted to live, and not to pass on into the endless black oblivion which was even now threatening to engulf her.   
  


*Let me go! I want to live!*   
  


A sense of rage and frustration filled Aeris like she had never felt before. Her mind was sluggish, she knew the end was near and she fought all the more bitterly to stay above the surface of the icy cold feeling which was beginning to creep over her. Then, a sense of peace slowly calmed her shrieking mind.   
  


*It doesn't matter now. Holy will take care of everything.*   
  


Sadness tinged the feeling of serenity. Aeris could once again feel the details, as her senses sharpened once more in her final moments. The tiny breaths she was taking, she felt the cold air passing through her lips, felt her eyelashes brush her cheeks as her eyelids fluttered slightly. She felt the weight of her hair, the pink ribbon just touching the nape of her neck. She felt the blood trickling over her thighs and knees as she knelt on the ground, feeling her life leaving her. It was as if she had been given a tranquilizer, she wanted to feel the anger and rage of a few seconds ago, but couldn't make the feelings come. Instead, she felt at peace.   
  


*Now I can rest. I haven't got a choice.*   
  


Again she felt the flicker of sadness edge on her thoughts. She sighed, a tiny sound, as her lungs finally refused to pull in any more precious oxygen. She parted her bloodless lips with effort, and breathed out the last of her air. The coldness, which now seemed almost friendly, eventually drowned her. Aeris gave in, and released her grip on reality. To the others, she looked as if she was satisfied, as if she felt she had fulfiled her mission. 

They had no idea she was really screaming.   
  
  
  


**********************************************************************************   
  


:::Sniff:::....so sad. Poor Aeris. I know not many of you will agree with how I have portrayed her, but really, do you think you could have a girl like Aeris, who was 'sweet and pretty' and put her in a setting like Midgar? Her 'charm' which is so often described as friendly and childlike, the way she offered Cloud guidance though the slums...one has to wonder what her true intentions were. I mean, she didn't even know him, but she was acting so friendly...and innocent, when it is clear she isn't really. I mean, she's twenty two.She 'dated' Zack the womaniser. She sold kisses to the men outside the Honeybee Inn, she chose the revealing red dress which shocked even Cloud......   
  



End file.
